Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

I'm sure 3 year old, mostly home made, birthday parties aren't too exciting to most but dammit I just enjoy them. I love anything themed, cutesy, crafting, edible, and/or challenging so that about sums that up. This year we were ridiculously broke and trying to do fabulous on a budget but little man loved it and that's what matters. We had it at chick-fil-a since it decided to drop 20 degrees and start raining but he LOVED that because, like his mother, he is a bit obsessed with them. We just let all the kids play in the play area, which is really nice for a chick-fil-a, and the adults just kind of congregated. My friends are always awkward when in large social situations. Anyhow, to more important things: pictures!

The goody bags. I put cows on them because it was at chick-fil-a and I put googly eyes on the cows because googly eyes are AWESOME. Fact. Also, note my rigged computer in the background. Lol.


The iced rainbow cake, little man was ready to see the rainbow.



Aaaannnddd.. CAKE INSIDES! YAY!!










My little man <3






And random but this is the wax paper that I cooled the cake on. It was a thin, smooth, velvety film of cake. Neat!

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Yep, that's me. Ok, probably not really. BUT Miles is going to think so after tomorrow. For his third birthday we're having a party at chick-fil-a, which is pretty much his favorite place ever. He's going to have 10 of his friends there, and tons of adults he loves and one bad mamma-jamma of a cake. It's a rainbow cake and it's my greatest achievement in bad ass baking yet.

Before cooking:



After:


Who knew I could love dirty dishes lol?!



I can't wait to cut into it and see how crazy the slices look!

I also made really basic but adorable goody bags that are totally recyclable out of little brown paper bags and a cow face clip art with googly eyes attached on it. I think they're adorable but they're kind of gener-o adorable lol.

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At 9:58 am on Monday I posted this:
"Dear friends and family - Do not be surprised or offended if you do not hear from me through here or phone for the next week. Aside from planning and preparing for Miles' party this weekend, I have an exam, a research paper, a major essay, multiple short papers, a book to read and write an essay on, 2 tests, and a multitude of random homework assignments. It's the end of the semester and they are bringing it! So unless you are saying "Hey, want me to get Miles out of your hair for a bit?" don't expect to hear from me lol."

At 1:30 PM (which was a bit later then it happened, I just had a meltdown in the immediate moments after) I posted this:




Yep. At least I found a scratched up and shadowy monitor on craigslist for $15 so I can finish..and ya know start... some of that work. Le sigh.

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My grandfather has been doing better for about a week straight now. They've adjusted his medications and taken him off everything they can, including all his supplements and vitamins and god only knows what else. I am so thankful for this I cannot even begin to express it. Neither my mom or myself could take him going downhill just yet.

I've decided to start looking for a job. Nothing too serious or respectable but something to add a little income into our lives. I think it would be good for Miles to start attending pre-school or daycare or something outside of his little magical bubble I like to surround him with. I'm hoping I can get a job as a front desk clerk at a hotel or something so I will have a quiet and easy place to do my online classes. All I really want is enough money to be able to take on a car payment, put Miles in daycare/pre-school, and maybe have a little left over for the occasional skinny carmel machiatto on the days when I need a little something special. I just need to associate with other people and Miles and I need a break from each other and I just need something besides my running for ME. My self-esteem has been even crappier the past few months than normal and I think this is just the turn-around I need. I've put in a few applications, hopefully I'll hear something soon.

I decided to go see my friend I mentioned a blog or two ago. I'm glad I did too, we have such a good chemistry together and it didn't even feel like I hadn't been in that house for 6 months. I couldn't believe how big her daughter had gotten and she and Miles both still remembered each other, it was really sweet. We talked about everything a little and that was good. All in all it was an all around good and I'm thankful for that. She really seems to be doing well, gives me strength to know I can do all I'm trying to take on if she can do it too.

Marc and I had the big talk. I feel for the most part it went pretty well. We both know we want to make it work but we finally both acknowledged we aren't sure if we can no matter how hard we want too. We're both going to try our best but I just needed to be honest with him so if our best isn't good enough then it didn't come out of left field on him. I love him more than any person I've ever known. He is a good, kind, smart, funny, endearing, honest, sweet, loving, and GOOD man. He is the best person I've ever known next to my Mimi and Dad. I DON'T want to get a divorce from him. I don't think he or I would ever fully recover from it. We are best friends and we do love each other very much. But there are aspects of our life that weigh very heavy on us and I worry that one or both of us will get tired of carrying that weight eventually and I don't want us to try for years beyond what we should until we hate each other. That thought terrifies me. I always want us to be friends, not only for our own sakes but obviously for Miles' too. I want to see if getting a job and a car and a bit more of a "life" will help me feel like a stronger person and will lessen the weight of those burdens. We shall see, only time can tell. But I feel like we are at least taking a step in the right direction and we're trying to walk the same direction. Hopefully we can stay that way.

PS
Batman

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