listening to: Water falling into the aquarium
mood: Reflective
The title sounds weird lol. But in all actuality thats what today is. I have officially been with my mother for 16 years. Alot of people may find that strange considering I'm 22...But to me its the only way I could ever imagine my life. October 1st isnt the day the paperwork was official and I was in every sense, aside from genetics, my mothers daughter. It was the day I moved out of the dirty trailer with the rarely present and always neglectful mother. It was the day I pulled up to a house and I saw as a castle. It was the day I went into a house that had food, warmth, happiness, and a whole loving family was there. It was like a party just for me, like I had won a cinderella contest and from everyday there on I would be a princess and I wouldnt be hungry or lonely or hurt anymore. And while I've had my ups and downs its been alot better than I could have ever imagined back then. Its crazy for me to think about how different my life would be if I hadn't been adopted. I see it as the one thing my biological mother ever intentionally did that was to my benefit. In recent years she has tried to come back into my life but I will never let that happen. She is back to being a full time part in my little brothers life and I don't think that she deserves to know him but he is 18 now and it's his decision and I can only pray she doesnt hurt him or hold him back in life. He doesnt remember her like I do. I was 6 when she gave me up for adoption and left him with his dad (he's my half brother) but he was only 2. And his dad was the only thing positive, aside from a picture here or there of my grandma, from our childhood. She had barely anything to do with him until a couple of years ago until she decided to not only randomly show back up to be a part of his life but also his dads and now they are re-married. Its like a bad bad movie. In my eyes my mom is patti harrison (oops I mean wren..she got re-married in june). My biological mother has tried to blame the problems and woes of my life on my mom and that has done nothing but push me further away. I remember the woman she was back then. I'll always remember and I have forgiven her but I will never allow her into my life. I have only forgiven her because its not good for me to harbor all those feelings for her. And the fact that she tried to lie to me about my past like I wasnt old enough to remember just seals the deal. But once a year, on Oct. 1st, I sit back and look at how lucky I was and how blessed I have been and think about the might have beens and think about that part of my past. But tomorrow that part of me will go back to that little dark crevice in my mind reserved for it and it will sit and gather dust until Oct. 1st next year.

Here's a couple pics of me/my family that I joined this day 16 years ago :)


The guy behind me is my fiance'



The guys on the outside are my moms boys and the other 3 are my step brothers

It's so touching
Congrats.. I'm happy for you too
» Xboyz on 2007-10-01 12:41:53

I'm glad you were able to start fresh and new at such a young age.

You're very lucky, and it's great to see how thankful you are.
» Chloefoxx on 2007-10-01 07:56:03

thats nice
:) i find it nice to read some mature content on nutang.
( the 15yr olds blogs kinda kill me :l )
glad to read ur happy with ur new family. or sorta semi new family :D
» heart-energy on 2007-10-02 10:23:20

=)
Yay!
I hope your brother figures things out okay....
» invisible on 2007-10-02 01:31:39

It's random and fun now, but in a year I'll have to start my career and it won't be that way anymore.

Gotta live it up while I can!
» Chloefoxx on 2007-10-02 04:56:38

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.